real raw kitchen: UPDATE: Where have I been since 2014?

Monday, April 2, 2018

UPDATE: Where have I been since 2014?

Oh boy, I've got lots of catching up to do, don't I?

I've gotta be honest, a part of me is feeling a little ashamed that I dropped off like that and a part of me is too excited about all-the-things to even know where to begin.

First of all, this blog is a raw food blog (duh!). It always has been and it always will be.

But some major things have changed in my life. Like, major. For a long-winded quick recap, check out my updated blog post here.

Picking up from there, here are a few of the basics...

In 2014, I did a lot of traveling and a lot of soul-searching. I'm not quite sure that I ever found my soul but what I did find was that I was absolutely obsessed with traveling.

Coming from a totally comfortable, privileged middle-class white family certainly prepared me for a prosperous life, but it did little to expose me to some pretty major things.

Like, other perspectives. Different styles of living. New friends.

Not saying that growing up how I did was bad, but it was like I lived in this tiny bubble with nothing to think about except myself.

When I started traveling, it was like I could see for the first time. Or hear after being deaf all my life. Or taste food after eating dehydrated eggplant everyday (seriously, though, that's the ONE food I will never try to dehydrate again).

It's not that I suddenly tossed my old life to the side. Instead, my appetite for knowing more became insatiable.

There were people from all over the world visiting places all over the world and making connections all over the world ALL OF THE TIME.

And all these years I had been sitting at home, spinning my own thoughts in my head until I drove myself (and my ex-husband) absolutely mad.

Tha fuck?!

So in 2015, with about $30k in the bank, I quit my job and did it full-time. All I knew was that I was bored AF with my life, unsettled with all the recent drama, and ready for some serious changes.

Again, don't get me wrong about this. I absolutely do not think that every 20-something that has a rough patch in her life should quit her job and discover some part of herself that is only accessible with an exotic vacation. 

No way, man.

In fact, I wrote an entire piece about it here.

What I discovered was that no matter how many shiny objects, new friends, or foreign languages you throw in front of you, all those nasty little demons will still be there.

My traveling was not a sexy kind of travel. It was some deep work that Oprah and the likes would be proud of.

A little Eat-Pray-Love-esque, without the sponsorship or prose.

The thing is, bad things happen to good people. I've said it before and I'll continue to believe it. However, a lot of the bad things that happened to me happened because of me. And him. But whatever, fuck that guy.

Some of my biggest struggles have been in refining the things about me that not only contributed to the sudden divorce, but also contributed to a lot of my unhappiness.

  • I'm impatient. 
  • I expect perfection in myself and everyone around me. (Like, everyone, including the cashier at the grocery store and the 3-year-old child having a fit.)
  • I'm insecure AF.
  • I'm always nervous, all the time, about everything.
  • I focus on the negative.

There's more but they're boring. I'm mostly listing these things because these are the reasons that I decided to travel.

I had grown up in such a safe and stable world that always provided for me whenever I needed it to that I became completely incapable of living in a world that was random, chaotic, and indifferent to effort.

I hated that about myself. It made me miserable! I mean, I was happy in a lot of ways but I was also just so fucking miserable.

So, what did I do?

I committed myself to shaking things up in such a big way that it jiggled my core until it could settle back into a nice, peaceful, beautiful Marquis.

Okay, so I'm still working on the last part but after four years, I'd say that a lot of that jiggling has happened.

Also, I turned 30 last year and I think that has a lot to do with it too. But whatever, I got to see things and learn a new language. #winning

2015 - 2018

In 2015, I left Miami and moved to Guatemala to take some Spanish lessons. I took four weeks of lessons and felt like that was enough to ask for directions, order food, and say enough pleasantries that would pass me off as a likeable person.

I traveled through Mexico, Belize, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, and Panama.

I took a sail boat from Panama to Colombia with the intention of continuing my travels all the way to Argentina.

When I got to Ecuador, however, I was done.

I was exhausted, I was broke, and I was ready to get serious about my transformation. Also, have you ever seen Ecuador? It's beautiful and perfect and you will never convince me otherwise. (See? Total growth.)

I'm not really sure what to say. How do I summarize three years in a single blog post? Can I? Do you even care? It's not really about raw food but it's definitely totally raw.

I stayed in Ecuador for two years and basically found myself. Like in the Hollywood movies. *cue the music*

But seriously.

When you move to a new country and learn a new culture and a new language, it sort of strips away the cocoon in which you've hidden your entire life. All that's left is the very real human that is trying to survive, connect, and love.

I learned how to go with the flow, which is basically your only option in a culture that never does anything you expect it to.

(Go to the store to buy something? Nah, it could be closed or it could be out of the product. You won't know until you get there. Take a bus to another city or even to work? Well, you can try to find the bus that you're supposed to take but it may or may not be running. Also, they're privately owned so it may or may not take for-fucking-ever to get there, depending on how many personal stops the driver has to make... And don't even get me started on getting a visa.)

I learned how to be vulnerable and ask for help.

I learned how to connect with people without them knowing my history or me knowing theirs.

I learned how to adapt to sudden changes, let downs, and major failures.

I learned how to start a new career.

Oh, and my acne cleared up completely.

I'm not perfect now and obviously never will be, but ohmygod this has been the single best thing that has ever happened to me.

So I'm back here, ready to pick up the blog again. Until I get myself organized, though, I'm going to leave a few pictures here. They're pretty and I love them and also I have a feeling that's all you actually want to see.

Love you,

xo m

p.s. would you mind leaving a comment about what you hope to see on the blog? I'd like a little direction and I'm not quite sure what you beautiful, lovely, faithful readers want to see!

2 comments:

  1. Welcome “back” to blogging! ;-)

    As a fellow blogger/content creator who has also been on hiatus for some time, a fair amount of what you’ve stated in this post resonates with me in relation to my own (ongoing) personal experiences. Sometimes a break becomes necessary in order to properly deal with life matters in the most mindful & effective way, before one feels ready to begin sharing again with a captive audience (online or otherwise).
    I’m a rather serious introvert, so my need for periods of renewal and self reflection is essentially mandatory. Pleased to see you posting, and do be sure to remember to go easy on yourself as the proverbial dust settles whilst you get back into your natural groove.

    Namasteé!

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    Replies
    1. Ah, yes, you get me :) Thanks for the beautiful reminder. It seems to come in waves, doesn't it? One moment you're totally ready to take on the world and then the next you're brought back to those cringe-worthy moments. I'm SO happy that we connected, I can't wait to see where this thing goes! Talk soon, M

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